Sometimes love does hurt

Last week sucked.

Monday night I had a total meltdown.  I’ve been carrying a lot of crap around inside and something small set me off.  Tuesday was just as hard and brought about some painful conversations.  By Tuesday night I was starting to feel better.  I was starting to feel like I had a handle on things.  Then I woke up Wednesday morning at 3am in a lot of pain.  Mostly abdominal.  After about 45 minutes I game up trying to go back to sleep, got up and did some things around the house.  I made it through my work out and headed off to school but I just gradually began to feel worse.  I ended up leaving school early, coming home and going to bed.

The next day I still felt pretty crappy.  The pain had moved to my side and between being nauseous and dizzy I was losing the battle so off to the doctor I went. Naturally he couldn’t figure out what was wrong and wanted me to undergo every test under the sun.

Somehow though I just knew it was the stress of everything that had been going on.  The acupuncturist made a good point – that my body holds onto the stress and when I let go, I feel better emotionally but now my body has to let go of it…and that’s when I have a problem.

Everyday I feel a little better.  But it took me listening to my body.  I slept a lot, didn’t work out, and moved at a slower pace for a few days.  It did me a world of good.

I don’t enjoy being stressed out.  I don’t enjoy being unhappy.  I know people who do enjoy feeling that way and I just don’t get it.  Personally I think it just takes too much energy to feel miserable all the time.  Plus…who wants to spend time with anyone like that?

Unfortunately there are times when stress and any unhappiness that comes with it just can’t be avoided.  I’m glad, that for the most part, I feel like I can move on from it.  I spent a lot of time with friends during the past week and weekend and they really helped me put some perspective on things.  Especially in regards to losing someone who I thought was my best friend…only to find out that she really wasn’t.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…I’m a horrible judge of character.

I trust a little less now.  Not because I feel hurt but because obviously I trust the wrong people.  However, I’m not one for walking around thinking that now everyone is out to hurt me.  I refuse to believe that about the people I care about.  There’s no point in having close relationships with others if you’re always wondering when they’re going to stab you in the back.  Caring about others opens you up to being hurt.  That is part of the deal.  I’m okay with that…and I’m a better person because of it.

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