Archive for May 2014

Doing it all doesn’t really get it done

I haven’t started reading any of the books I purchased for my Happiness Project.  I haven’t started keeping a personal journal about it either.

But I have been doing a lot of thinking.   And that’s a good thing.  I tend to have a bit of a OCD issue at times (I know, shocker right?).  As I have been getting older I find that it’s getting worse.   I don’t think it’s linked to my age as much as it’s linked to chaos that is present in my life.  What I’m trying to say is that the more things appear to be chaotic the more I want to control everything that is going on.   Aside from the control issue this also really impacts my ability to actually move in the direction I want to go because I want everything to be in its exact spot before I take a step.  It’s hard to explain so I’ll try to give an example.

Let’s say I decide that I want to start a new business.   I will literally spend all of my time making lists and researching what I need to do.  I’ll find the articles I want to read and the associations I should join and then I will spend all my time researching those things and I’ll never actually start the business.

Dealing with this issue has been, hands down, my biggest struggle.   However I have improved.  For example, I’ve invited some family for dinner next week.   My house isn’t entirely unpacked.  Currently my living room has three different colors of paint because it needs to be completely repainted.   My couch looks horrible in the living room and is on its last legs.  I’ve chosen my new couch but it won’t be available for three weeks.   In the past there is no way I would have any guests in my home until everything was perfect.

But you know what I’ve realized?  I’ve realized that if I were to die tomorrow nobody is going to walk around and talk about how unfinished my home looks.  I don’t want to leave this earth feeling as if I didn’t spend enough time with the people I care about and love.   I’ve spent too much time trying to make sure everything is perfect and in place and not enough time enjoying what’s really important.

I don’t want to sound as if preparation isn’t important, because it is.   However, it has a time and place.   And this is another area that I’m improving in.  For example, I want to go back to school.   Right now it’s just not a good idea.   I still do have a lot of unpacking to do.  I have two jobs and I’m about to be an empty nester.   It seems more important that I settle into my life before I add on more responsibilities.   In the past I would have put a lot of pressure on myself to go back to school irregardless of the additional stress it would put on me because I’m this person…

 

doitall

 

The reality is I can’t do it all.

And accepting that is helping to lead to me to a happy place.

However, I’m not going to lie.  There are days when this is seriously driving me nuts.

livingroom