Lost in the Big City

When it comes to how to deal with things I believe that there are three different kinds of people.   I’ll use a band-aid as an example.

People know it’s going to hurt when they remove the band-aid so they

-rip it off knowing it’s going to hurt and they just want to get it over with

-peel it off slowly, a little at a time

-leave it alone until it falls off

For the longest time I was the first type.  If something bad was happening I ran into it head on and dealt with it.  I’ve always considered myself an all or nothing person so I suppose that it shouldn’t surprise me that I’ve gone from being the first type of person to the third type.

I’m not sure I like the second option but there must be a happy medium.

For the past several months, and by several I mean at least twelve months I reached a point where I just didn’t want to deal with anything negative.   Meanwhile things have been just piling up.  I’ve been miserable and unhappy with myself and every day seemed like a repeat of the day before.  I had good intentions.  I would wake up each day with the desire and intention to start anew but it just didn’t happen.  I would make lists and they just kept getting longer.  Some days I wouldn’t even look at the lists.

However now the situation has reached critical mass.

I feel like this:

I’m not sure where to even start.  I tried starting with a list (shocker).   I made a list of all the things that I thought were wrong with my life.  I don’t recommend doing this.  It’s depressing and does nothing to improve the situation.  There are so many things I don’t like about myself and there are so many things I want and need to change.  I’ve spent too much time thinking about it, feeling sorry for myself, crying, etc, etc.

I think the only way to start is one step at a time.   One foot in front of the other.  I’ll be facing some unpleasant issues, but compared to what I’ve been through, I’ve got this.

At least I hope so.