Lost In The Big City

A few weeks ago I pinned this on Pinterest.

If there were a twelve step group for people who do this…I would be the first in line to join.  For some crazy reason in my mind, if I’m not crazy busy – if my calendar isn’t jammed with stuff – I am not a worthy person.  I have no idea where I got that.  A lot of people go to work, come home, have dinner, watch some television.  I very rarely do that.  And I envy those who do.  Yesterday I realized that it had to stop.  I’m tired.  My body hurts.  I have constant headaches.  Something has to give.

It also didn’t help that I had pushed myself way too much on Friday.  I overdid it and I paid a price for it.  I spent Saturday in pain.  My body hurt.  My head hurt.  I was lethargic.  It sucked.  I spent a lot of time thinking about it and trying to come to some sort of decision on what needed to be done to make my life a bit more….

Simple.

Friday I hosted a wake for my girlfriend’s sister who had unexpectedly passed away a week ago.  It was something I didn’t really have time to do, but it was one of those things you make time for.  My girlfriend was scrambling for a place to have the wake and there is almost nothing I won’t do for a friend, I live five minutes from the church, and some things you do for the people you love, no matter what else you have going on.  The wake was a lot of work, but not the issue for me on Friday.  The issue was working at Beav’s high school homecoming carnival.

I’ve been involved in drama boosters for two years now.  I enjoy being active in the kid’s school activities and it’s important to me.  However, being involved with boosters has taken a toll.  For starters it’s a lot of work.  And that on it’ s own isn’t bad.  Beav appreciates it, the other kids appreciate it, but the teacher – never a thank you.  This past activity, for me, was the final straw.  The drama teacher signed up the boosters to work a booth at homecoming carnival.  She “assumed” that we could sell chicken and rice, that we made, because apparently none of us have real lives.  We have a parent that does a chicken and rice meal for the kids that he serves during rehearsal.   This is for a group of 30 or so kids.  The homecoming carnival is for the entire school.  That would be 4300 KIDS.

With little time to plan and busy lives the booster board made a decision that we would sell fried chicken (a local grocery store gave us a discount), dinner rolls, and soda.  We sold a meal of two pieces of chicken (thigh and drumstick), roll, and soda for $2.50.  This deal wasn’t going to make us the big bucks.  We knew that, but we did what we could with the time and resources we were given.  On Friday morning myself and three other parents worked at the carnival selling the meal.  We sold out in twenty minutes.  At this point the drama teacher comes over and tells me that 1)we should have only given out one piece of chicken (seriously?? these are tiny pieces); 2)where is the rice?  why didn’t the parent make the rice? and 3)we didn’t make enough money because of how we did it.  After she walked away I looked at the parent standing next to me and said “one of these days she is going to say thank you and I’m going to pass out from the shock of it.”  He agreed.

I spent my morning preparing my house for a wake, picking up plates, napkins, and chicken for the carnival, working at the carnival, finishing prepping my house, picking up ice, putting out all the food, etc.  All I needed is a Thank you.  That’s it.  And then to add insult to injury she complained to my son’s class that we did it wrong.

That was it for me.  I’m out.

At first I wavered in my decision to quit.  After all I do it for Beav.  But I can donate my time to the Compass program.  I can help Beav with GSA, there are other things I can do to be involved that don’t involve me dealing with the drama program.  So I’m out.  I will be cancelling some of my participation in the events I signed up for and I will be stepping down as treasurer.   I love to volunteer.  I don’t mind donating my time.  But I don’t need to be taken for granted.

Some of the busy in my life are out of my control.  As many of you know my husband and I are separating and filing for divorce.  We are both sad but working hard to handle this respectfully and privately.  A consequence of this decision is that I need to return to work at a “regular job.”  I haven’t given up on my dreams to be a business owner and in fact both of my businesses are slowly getting off the ground.  Tomorrow I start work at a doctor’s office.  It’s a temporary and trial position for me as the physician and I want to make sure this is a good fit.  I need to figure out how I can do this and run my businesses.  I’ve come up with a plan that I think can work and I’m keeping positive about all of it.  Beav has really stepped up and I’ve delegated some of the household stuff to him, as well as he is making dinner at least one night a week.  Hubby is still living in the house, we are roommates right now, and he has also taken over some of the household chores.

There are going to be lots of changes happening in my life.  There are times when I’m excited about the unknown and there are times when I’m petrified that I am going to fail miserably.  The goal is happiness.  The goal is a well-rounded life that allows me to earn a living, work on my goals, take care of my family, and have time to spend with the people I love.

I think I’m on the right path.

I did want to share a link to a post that I found on this subject.  I do find that frequently my social networking puts a burden of time on me and that is something I need to work on.  Please check out this post.