There’s a nasty stomach flu bug going around and I’ve been unfortunate enough to catch it. And to say it sucks would be the understatement of the year.
Unless you enjoy walking around feeling like you’ve been punched in the gut repeatedly.
As some of you may or may not know I’ve been seeing someone. He’s someone I’ve known for quite a while and while it’s not a secret I’m not shouting it from the rooftops. It’s not because I’m embarrassed or ashamed. But I am going through a divorce and that just sucks. A lot. And I have bad days. Days in which I find it near impossible to get out of bed. Days in which I cry and it doesn’t seem like I can stop. And that’s when some people stop to say things like ‘why are you sad, you have someone else.’
Yes, you’re right. I do have someone. I’m not crying or sad because I’m lonely. I’m sad because I loved someone and he hurt me and I hurt him. And that hurts. Why do I have to validate it to some people? I don’t just switch one man out and another man in. My husband isn’t replaceable. And I don’t want to replace him.
I do have periods in which I’m lonely. And I’m okay with that. It’s a good opportunity to self reflect and think about things – where I’ve been, where I want to go, etc. In the midst of the pain I’ve been feeling I’ve made no secret that I never plan to get married again.
The other night at about midnight I realized that the pain was a bit more than I could handle. Friends were throwing words like appendicitis and kidney stones at me, so I decided that it might be a good idea for me to go to the emergency room. However considering that I couldn’t stand without being doubled over how was I going to get there? So I called my special someone and he came to take me to the hospital. He drove thirty miles in the middle of the night to take care of me. While we were at the hospital and I was signing papers and giving them my insurance information they asked for an emergency contact.
Um, I’m not sure. However someone special spoke up right away and volunteered his information.
And that’s when it hit me. If I’m ever hospitalized or have something serious going on the only people who are allowed to have a say in my treatment or possibly visit me if I’m in critical condition are family members. So if that happens and I have a someone special and he’s not my husband…well then we’re both out of luck.
BTW..when you’re delirious with pain and exhaustion these are the kinds of thoughts you have. Well at least they’re the kinds of thoughts I have.
I’m not saying that all of a sudden my thoughts on getting married again have changed. I mean let’s be serious. Two failed marriages – life is trying to tell me something.
But, it is something to think about.