Posts Tagged ‘depression’

Falling To Pieces

Choices and decisions.

The rallying theme I see so often in other blogs is having no regrets.  I’m guilty of that.  Often pointing out I have no regrets, just lessons learned.  But seriously, how can we really go through life without regrets?  I think that maybe the reason I say that is because if I have regrets about a choice I’ve made then I’m admitting I made a mistake.

And we can’t admit we’ve made mistakes…can we?

This came up for me in reflecting on the leaving my job.  Did I make a mistake?  Should I have just stayed and seen things through?  I see my former staff disintegrating and I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible. Realistically I know that things were headed downhill and staying was very unhealthy for me but at the same time I find myself wondering if I did the right thing.

Leaving my job has caused me to look at my life in painstakingly detail.  For a long time my friends have pointed out that they believe I work(ed) so much to avoid dealing with things in my life that made me unhappy.  Recently my shrink pointed out that without being so busy at work I was going to learn some things about myself.  So far the learning experience hs been less than pleasant.

It seems for a long time my job, with all of its stresses, was the glue holding me together.  Because right now I feel like I’m just falling to pieces.  I don’t feel despondent or pessimistic about the future.  I just no longer know what my future is.  For someone like me that’s a rough place to be.  However, that’s also the positive side of this.  I don’ t know what’s ahead.  I’ve taken things back to basics, so to speak.  Whatever choices I do make, I’m going to make the most of them and do so knowing that it’s what is the right thing for me.

Or at least I hope it works out that way.