Posts Tagged ‘moving’

Try to turn your head, try to give me some room To figure out just what I’m going to do

I knew it had been awhile since my last post but I didn’t realize it had been THAT long.

There have been some changes since my last post.

  1. JOB – I have officially been at my job now since the end of August. I’m settling in and getting into a routine.  There definitely is a learning curve as this is a complete new specialty for me. I’m enjoying learning so many new things but it’s been exhausting. Both of the offices I manage are awesome and I have great staff. I’m feeling fairly blessed with how things are turning out.
  2. Volunteering – I did start volunteer training with SARC and had to step away from it this week. Part of the reason is my health (see 3) and there was some other stuff going on too. I’ll touch more on that later in the post.
  3. My Health – My thyroid issues have not improved. The doctor that originally diagnosed me has increased my medication and I’m hoping I’ll feel a difference soon. My former doctor has given me enough refills to get me through to the end of the year but I need to find a local doctor here and get more labs done. I’m trying to wait until I’ve been on the higher dose for at least a month.  In the meantime I’m chronologically exhausted which really sucks.
  4. Kickboxing – Yes, I’ve started back.  I’ve found a real muay thai gym here in Portland that is literally around the corner from the house we rented (see 5). I mean literally. If I walk into the backyard I can see the back of the building the gym is in.  I started last week and I’m loving it.  I’m definitely getting my ass kicked though. The classes are an hour long and the entire hour is spent with a partner. So far the classes I’ve been in are all just four to five people and I’ve been the only female. It’s a fundamentals class so I’m assuming the other classes have more attendees. They also have a jujitsu program that I’m considering. I’ve never done jujitsu before and it might be a nice addition to my work out program.
  5. We Have A Place To Live – We rented a house here in Portland and I get the keys on Saturday. We’re paying more rent than we wanted to but I think for a year we can suck it up. It’s in SE Portland and close to so many things. We decided that living closer to downtown was preferable for at least a year so that we could get our bearings and learn our way around. The house is perfect for My Love and me and was built in the late 1800s. This is our first place together. He’s lived in mine and I’ve lived in his but we’ve never just gotten one together so it’s very exciting. If everything goes according to plan My Love will be here in a week and a half with a moving truck and we’ll finally be back living in the same house.  I can’t wait.

Dropping out of volunteer training was an incredibly difficult decision. I was just completely exhausted and felt horrible all the time.  Dealing with the thyroid issue has been very frustrating. Not to mention there’s been some weight gain involved and that is adding to my stress. Right now I have to put my health first. The doctor wasn’t pleased with the outcome of some of my blood work and it’s important that I get things in check. The schedule I was keeping wasn’t allowing me to do that.

Secondary to that there was an emotional toll on me. Training did bring up some stuff that, to be perfectly honest, I just don’t know what to do with. I started to really question the motivation behind some major decisions I made fourteen years ago and that led me down a pretty crazy rabbit hole. I had to put my compartmentalization skills to work and put this stuff aside for now. I was lying in bed every night doing some crazy “what if” thinking which isn’t good for anyone. I also opened up about it to the wrong person and that didn’t help the situation at all, in fact it just added an entire new level of confusion for me. On the plus side there’s been a couple of people that have been pretty awesome and that’s what I’m going to concentrate on.

That’s all I’ve got going on for now. It’s time to get my booty in bed.  I’ll try not to let six weeks go before I update again, but no promises.

Title taken from “Back To Good” Matchbox 20

Life has been patiently waiting for me

A little over 13 years go I packed up my car and moved here to Southern California. I left the place where I had done most of my growing up, where I had married my first husband, where I had my children, and where everybody I knew was. And I moved to a place where I only knew one person – my husband.

13 years later I no longer have that husband. But I do have the most amazing friends.  I’ve spent 13 somewhat happy years here and Saturday morning I say goodbye.

Remote road at dusk

Leaving here is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

When I left to move here it was the right thing to do.  When you grow up in a small town and you live somewhere where everyone knows you it’s hard to grow and to change as a person. People can’t see you as anything other than what they’ve always known. And that can be tough.  A year before I moved here I ended a relationship that was tumultous to say the least. Three months after ending the relationship I married my husband. I suppose in many ways I was just running away, which isn’t the appropriate response to much of anything, but at the time it just seemed like what I needed to do.  So I left.

I had never planned to stay in Southern California.  I’m not a big city girl. I love visiting the big city, but it’s not where I want to live. I’m very much a wide open spaces kind of girl. The plan was to move back to Northern California after the husband had retired.

The husband did retire. And then we split up.  And if I had a nickel for everytime in the last three years I wanted to run away I could buy my own island. But Beav will still in school and I wasn’t about to uproot his whole life.

A few years ago, four to be exact, I took a road trip to Canada. On the way I drove through Oregon and it was love at first sight. A year later I went back and I still loved it. Last year My Love and me went again (twice) and we both loved it and we knew that’s where we were going to end up. We began making plans. I gave notice at work and we started packing the house up. The original plan was to move together but My Love has been busy with work to the point that he hasn’t been able to do things that need to be done before he can move. After lots of conversation we agreed the best thing to do was for me to go first. I could find a place to live, look for work (more on that later) and “settle in.”

Some change is unsettling for me. However big life changes such as the move, it doesn’t faze me. I find it invigorating. But leaving Southern California won’t be as easy as moving here was. Saying goodbye to my friends has been truly difficult and I’ve shed quite a few tears. The family of friends that have formed over the past 13 years is nothing short of incredible. Some of these people literally saved my life in ways that they don’t even know during the past few years. These friends have watched my boys grow up, they’ve seen my marriage fall apart, and they’ve watched me fall in love.

I feel nothing short of blessed for the friendships that I have.  And I’m holding all my friends to their promises of coming to visit me lol.

Thirteen years ago when I packed up my car and hit the road I purposely played Rascal Flat’s “I’m Moving On.”  It seemed appropriate and fitting at the time:

“I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces Each one is different but they’re always the same They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it They’ll never allow me to change But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong I’m movin’ on”

This time I won’t be playing that song. I do feel this move is the right thing for me. But this time I’m not running away. I’m running forwards. I’m running to something that’s unknown but yet full of promise. It’s time for the second half of my life to start. And I have no idea what the future holds but I can’t wait to find out.

Ten months and counting….

If you’re a friend of mine on Facebook then you know that I am planning on moving out of state.  My goal is be gone by July 2015.   I’m a native Californian and if you had told me a few years ago I’d seriously contemplate moving to Oregon I would have said you were crazy.  But here I am with an Oregon move in my future.

As my time in California ticks down I’ve been working on a bucket list of sorts of things I want to do and see; restaurants I want to eat at; hikes I want to take, etc.

It’s a growing list and I hope I don’t run out of time before the move.  Some things might seem silly or weird but it’s my list and makes sense to me.

Eats

Cream Pan Bakery

Inn of the Seventh Ray

Grand Central Market

Day Trip

Little Tokyo

Exhibit of Hollywood Exhibits

La Brea Tar Pits

The Arboretum

LACMA

Franklin Canyon Park 

Universal Studios

Murphy Ranch Trail 

Greystone Mansion

Free Museum Days

Huntington Library and Tea Room

Weekend Away

San Diego (with bikes)

Big Bear

Grand Californian – Yes, I know it’s a few miles away but I’ve always wanted to stay there.

San Francisco

Vegas

Catalina

 

Entertainment

USC Thornton School of Music Concert

Looking back I guess I should call this a Southern California Bucket List, ha ha.

That’s all I’ve got so far but I’m constantly coming up with new things.    So tell me fellow Californians what are your suggestions?

 

Doing it all doesn’t really get it done

I haven’t started reading any of the books I purchased for my Happiness Project.  I haven’t started keeping a personal journal about it either.

But I have been doing a lot of thinking.   And that’s a good thing.  I tend to have a bit of a OCD issue at times (I know, shocker right?).  As I have been getting older I find that it’s getting worse.   I don’t think it’s linked to my age as much as it’s linked to chaos that is present in my life.  What I’m trying to say is that the more things appear to be chaotic the more I want to control everything that is going on.   Aside from the control issue this also really impacts my ability to actually move in the direction I want to go because I want everything to be in its exact spot before I take a step.  It’s hard to explain so I’ll try to give an example.

Let’s say I decide that I want to start a new business.   I will literally spend all of my time making lists and researching what I need to do.  I’ll find the articles I want to read and the associations I should join and then I will spend all my time researching those things and I’ll never actually start the business.

Dealing with this issue has been, hands down, my biggest struggle.   However I have improved.  For example, I’ve invited some family for dinner next week.   My house isn’t entirely unpacked.  Currently my living room has three different colors of paint because it needs to be completely repainted.   My couch looks horrible in the living room and is on its last legs.  I’ve chosen my new couch but it won’t be available for three weeks.   In the past there is no way I would have any guests in my home until everything was perfect.

But you know what I’ve realized?  I’ve realized that if I were to die tomorrow nobody is going to walk around and talk about how unfinished my home looks.  I don’t want to leave this earth feeling as if I didn’t spend enough time with the people I care about and love.   I’ve spent too much time trying to make sure everything is perfect and in place and not enough time enjoying what’s really important.

I don’t want to sound as if preparation isn’t important, because it is.   However, it has a time and place.   And this is another area that I’m improving in.  For example, I want to go back to school.   Right now it’s just not a good idea.   I still do have a lot of unpacking to do.  I have two jobs and I’m about to be an empty nester.   It seems more important that I settle into my life before I add on more responsibilities.   In the past I would have put a lot of pressure on myself to go back to school irregardless of the additional stress it would put on me because I’m this person…

 

doitall

 

The reality is I can’t do it all.

And accepting that is helping to lead to me to a happy place.

However, I’m not going to lie.  There are days when this is seriously driving me nuts.

livingroom