Posts Tagged ‘Oregon’

It’s my life and it’s now or never

I have a habit of holding my breath. Not the kind of holding your breath that makes you pass out but the kind where you think so much about where you want to be in life that you don’t enjoy the life you have.  I have gotten so much better at this but it’s still something I struggle with.

 

Cricket-is-Akin5

I knew the move to Portland would be a major life changing event. Moving away from all of my friends and even leaving my love for a short period of time.  It wasn’t a change that scared me but since I’ve been here I’ve had moments of fear and insecurity. Moments when I begin thinking “What in the world am I doing?”

Today celebrates my first four weeks in Portland.  In that four weeks I’ve reconnected with a friend that lives here, I’ve made new friends and have socialized via meet up, I’ve taken a road trip to Bend to see family, and more importantly, I got a job.  I am constantly having to remind myself that I’m not here visiting Portland, this is my new home.  And that’s the next daunting task…finding a place to live.   The rental market here is brutal. The first inquiry I made was a huge wake up call. “Thank you for inquiring about the rental. People are coming by to look at it. You can come by tomorrow if you want but I’ve already decided I’ll probably rent it to someone else.”

Um. Okay?

I’m not going to let that get me down though. I’ve got this.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the things I want to accomplish and change about my life.  I’ve been taking two to three mile walks every other day and during this time I keep thinking about all of the things I want to do. This next chapter of of my life is one I plan to enjoy as much as I can.  I started working on a mental list and I felt it was time to put it down on paper.  Or in this case, blog it.

  1.  Find a good job. – I start Monday and I’m very excited.  From what I’ve experienced so far I believe I’m going to enjoy my new workplace and for the first time in a long time I will have full benefits.  I was very clear during my interviews that I wanted a place to continue my career and stay planted at for a long time.  I think this is a good fit.
  2. Find a (permanent) place to live. This will happen…right?
  3. Go back to school. – Years ago I promised myself I would graduate before Einstein.  That did not happen. Before we split up I had encouraged JBG to go back to school. He was hesitant to do so and now he’s working on his doctorate.  This does not help me feel like any less of a slacker.  My goal is to start with the winter or spring semester -2016.  It’s time.
  4. Start volunteering again.  This is something that has been missing in my life for a long time. A couple of weeks ago I was killing time before a job interview at a Starbucks and there was a notice on their bulletin board regarding volunteers for SARC.  You may or may not know that I had once been a certified crisis counselor for domestic violence and sexual assault survivors.  I was a victim advocate with two different SARTs (Sexual Assault Response Team) in California.  I contacted the organization on the bulletin board and met with them on Thursday.  Pending my background check I will start my training with them at the end of September.
  5. Kickboxing – Once I find our permanent housing I will begin looking for a muay thai gym and I want to start training again.  I won’t be where I was five years ago but it’s something that I miss doing.  Not to mention it has been the only way that I have been able to effectively lose weight and get in shape doing something I love. I might even see if I can find something in proximity to my office so I can even get started earlier.  The difficult part of this is my right shoulder has a rotator cuff tear.  Starting this with an injury seems a little nuts but I know I’ll be having surgery (hopefully in the winter) and my recovery will be that much easier if I’m in at least some kind of better shape than I’m currently in.  Look, don’t try to talk me out of it, I’m doing it.
  6. Archery – This has been out of my life for too long.  It will most likely have to wait until my shoulder is repaired because I’m right handed.
  7. Getting crafty – One of the things I’ve wanted to add to my life for a long time is learning how to make jewelry and doing some other DIY projects.  I want to be able to fit this into my life.
  8. Weekend getaways.  I live in a beautiful state.  And I want to see every part of it.  And Washington too.  Weekend trips will be a staple part of our lives.  Although not in October because I have SARC training ha ha.

I’m going to stop there for now.  As you can see I’m not one for sitting still. I feel less frenzied in my new life although I can’t explain how or why.  I just do. Maybe it’s my mental well being. I’m calmer.  And I’m happy. I guess the best way to phrase it is that I feel at peace.  Although I miss My Love like crazy.

 

**Title taken from Bon Jovi’s Its My Life  – Don’t judge

Life has been patiently waiting for me

A little over 13 years go I packed up my car and moved here to Southern California. I left the place where I had done most of my growing up, where I had married my first husband, where I had my children, and where everybody I knew was. And I moved to a place where I only knew one person – my husband.

13 years later I no longer have that husband. But I do have the most amazing friends.  I’ve spent 13 somewhat happy years here and Saturday morning I say goodbye.

Remote road at dusk

Leaving here is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

When I left to move here it was the right thing to do.  When you grow up in a small town and you live somewhere where everyone knows you it’s hard to grow and to change as a person. People can’t see you as anything other than what they’ve always known. And that can be tough.  A year before I moved here I ended a relationship that was tumultous to say the least. Three months after ending the relationship I married my husband. I suppose in many ways I was just running away, which isn’t the appropriate response to much of anything, but at the time it just seemed like what I needed to do.  So I left.

I had never planned to stay in Southern California.  I’m not a big city girl. I love visiting the big city, but it’s not where I want to live. I’m very much a wide open spaces kind of girl. The plan was to move back to Northern California after the husband had retired.

The husband did retire. And then we split up.  And if I had a nickel for everytime in the last three years I wanted to run away I could buy my own island. But Beav will still in school and I wasn’t about to uproot his whole life.

A few years ago, four to be exact, I took a road trip to Canada. On the way I drove through Oregon and it was love at first sight. A year later I went back and I still loved it. Last year My Love and me went again (twice) and we both loved it and we knew that’s where we were going to end up. We began making plans. I gave notice at work and we started packing the house up. The original plan was to move together but My Love has been busy with work to the point that he hasn’t been able to do things that need to be done before he can move. After lots of conversation we agreed the best thing to do was for me to go first. I could find a place to live, look for work (more on that later) and “settle in.”

Some change is unsettling for me. However big life changes such as the move, it doesn’t faze me. I find it invigorating. But leaving Southern California won’t be as easy as moving here was. Saying goodbye to my friends has been truly difficult and I’ve shed quite a few tears. The family of friends that have formed over the past 13 years is nothing short of incredible. Some of these people literally saved my life in ways that they don’t even know during the past few years. These friends have watched my boys grow up, they’ve seen my marriage fall apart, and they’ve watched me fall in love.

I feel nothing short of blessed for the friendships that I have.  And I’m holding all my friends to their promises of coming to visit me lol.

Thirteen years ago when I packed up my car and hit the road I purposely played Rascal Flat’s “I’m Moving On.”  It seemed appropriate and fitting at the time:

“I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces Each one is different but they’re always the same They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it They’ll never allow me to change But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong I’m movin’ on”

This time I won’t be playing that song. I do feel this move is the right thing for me. But this time I’m not running away. I’m running forwards. I’m running to something that’s unknown but yet full of promise. It’s time for the second half of my life to start. And I have no idea what the future holds but I can’t wait to find out.

Ten months and counting….

If you’re a friend of mine on Facebook then you know that I am planning on moving out of state.  My goal is be gone by July 2015.   I’m a native Californian and if you had told me a few years ago I’d seriously contemplate moving to Oregon I would have said you were crazy.  But here I am with an Oregon move in my future.

As my time in California ticks down I’ve been working on a bucket list of sorts of things I want to do and see; restaurants I want to eat at; hikes I want to take, etc.

It’s a growing list and I hope I don’t run out of time before the move.  Some things might seem silly or weird but it’s my list and makes sense to me.

Eats

Cream Pan Bakery

Inn of the Seventh Ray

Grand Central Market

Day Trip

Little Tokyo

Exhibit of Hollywood Exhibits

La Brea Tar Pits

The Arboretum

LACMA

Franklin Canyon Park 

Universal Studios

Murphy Ranch Trail 

Greystone Mansion

Free Museum Days

Huntington Library and Tea Room

Weekend Away

San Diego (with bikes)

Big Bear

Grand Californian – Yes, I know it’s a few miles away but I’ve always wanted to stay there.

San Francisco

Vegas

Catalina

 

Entertainment

USC Thornton School of Music Concert

Looking back I guess I should call this a Southern California Bucket List, ha ha.

That’s all I’ve got so far but I’m constantly coming up with new things.    So tell me fellow Californians what are your suggestions?